Just a little bit from our 2020 Vision Party Q1 meeting. Worksheet available for download. Contact me for a Free 20 minute consultation
There is a pivotal point in each of our lives around the age of two or three when we start to ask the question, “Why?” I was about nine years old when my little brother Kris went through another why stage. It almost drove me to lose my mind. He had more questions than any of us had answers. Even today he still has more questions than I have answers for, but at least now Google exists. I can’t be too mad at my brother though. According to our father, I have been asking people why as long as he can remember. He said I made him understand that it was the most powerful word in the English language. I still drive my friends, family, and clients crazy with why questions; but they tolerate me because my why questions are effective.
As children we ask why as we try to understand the world around us. As we get older sometimes we forget to continue asking. This is where my why questions come in. I seek to dig down into the root of the Thoughts, Beliefs, and Decisions that my clients make. Conventionally speaking TBD means To Be Determined. Thoughts, Beliefs, and Decisions will determine how your life with progress. Thoughts become things has become a wide understood concept thanks to the many contributes and thought leaders who took part in Rhonda Byme’s book, “The Secret” from a mental-spiritual perspective. And has been confirmed by doctors like Dr. Bruce Lipton from a biological perspective in, “The Biology of Belief.” I believe that we know more now about how to create the life we want to live.
Knowing is not enough. It takes work. It takes self reflection and sometimes we need help navigating the parts of our personality that make us uncomfortable. Digging in on TBDs in very challenging and many will cut themselves short by saying I don’t know. But if we don’t know ourselves we limit ourselves and our potential.
As we dig into our Whys and TBDs we find that many of them were caught rather than taught. Here’s a helpful exercise. Look at your everyday life. We brush our teeth the way we do because our parents taught us as a kid. Our wake up routine is the same since high school or the military. We raise our children the way we were raised. We keep on keeping on the way we have because we feel like it’s worked this long but do we know the why behind it? While you are looking at your Whys and TBDs do so without judgment. No weighing in if it is good or bad, justified or unjustified. Rather, the best measurement is only if it still serves your greatest good.
How you gonna win when you ain’t right within?
– Lauryn Hill
By the time most I meet me a lot of people, they are asking me to fix something. Like my infamous friend and client Gayl who literally asked to “fix it” when she wanted to lose weight after her son was born. Little did she know how much I was going to dig into when she became my client. Like most people, she hadn’t learned to make her internal life and well-being a big enough priority. One day in a conversation with my father, he was sharing about his friend who is very successful. He has a great job, makes great money, and is great with his kids. This same friend is also unhealthy, has unresolved trauma, and is stuck in a rut mentally. I countered by saying without inner peace there is no such thing as success. They haven’t learn to live in peace and make healing the priority. Money can’t buy self-worth, self-esteem and joy. But it can mask it with a bunch of material things. It is much easier to mask what is going on in the inside when you are distracted and validated by what is going on outside.
Anyone who has been on a trip with someone they didn’t like. Whether it’s a sibling on a long road trip or an annoying person sitting beside you on a long plane ride. It is a pretty simple concept to understand that if you are going to spend time with someone you might want to enjoy that person otherwise it’s gonna be rough. Well, the same is true with you and how you deal with yourself. You are going to spend more time with yourself than anyone else in this lifetime. The sooner you get right with you, the easier it is to deal with life.
You might be asking yourself what does it look like when you are “right within.” If you are unfamiliar you should listen to Doo Wop by Lauryn Hill. For the sake of time I will drop these couple bars for you from her song:
Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again
You know I only say it cause I’m truly genuine
Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem
Baby girl, respect is just a minimum”
Do you treat yourself like a hard rock or a gem? Do you expect everything to be difficult? Do you act like you can handle a beating? Maybe you can, I’m not saying you can’t. Is that want you deserve? Now, let me delineate, I’m not opposing being strong nor am I demeaning a hard workout neither am I debating whether one should box. I am talking about how you treat yourself within. What are your internal conversations like? How do you care for yourself?
How do we treat gems? With the respect and reverence. We take our time when looking at them; we inspect them. If you are anything like me you might have crystals that you clear, charge, and research. In the same way, our insides are worthy of being cleared, charged, and reflected upon to know what is going on within.
The unexamined life is not worth living?
I believe you should examine and get real with who you are this very minute. Take a quick self-check. This can take 5 minutes or 50 minutes, how ever long you can stand. Sit in quiet, without distractions, and check in with yourself. Start by paying attention to your heartbeat. Next, listen to the rhythm of your breathing. Next, move into to examining what’s on your mind. What are you thinking about? Is it worth your time? Engage your imagination: Try to visualize each thought rise up to the sky and float away with the clouds. After you have thought all of the thoughts and have sat with yourself as long as you can stand, give yourself a big hug. Tell yourself this short affirmation:
I am loved
I am seen
I am safe
In every aspect of my career I am required to focus first on what is going on inside of someone else. I am always trying to find out the root of the issue. In fitness I am looking first at how your body works. I’m looking for any structural compensations your body has made as well as your stability and balance. As a life coach, I dig into what someone wants most and what is holding them back. As a Reiki Practitioner, I see where someone’s energy is low or out of balance. This practice of sitting with yourself is the beginning to any kind of change and growth. Take it easier on yourself. You are a precious gem worthy of care.
I’ve learned it takes a certain strength to get up early in the morning for work or school. It’s take a different kind of strength to stay up late to get done what is due. And yet a different kind of strength when the baby is up at 3 am and you have to be up in two hours. While it takes a whole other kind of strength to put yourself before others.
It takes a different kind a strength to say no when I want to say yes. A different kind of strength to know I’m worth more, not less. Nothing less than the Queen he called me to be. And I still reign in His kingdom humbly while He’s teaching and guiding me.
Alone I may be but lonely I am not. I know He is there when the blue skies turn grey. When the sky is dark and the sun is tucked away. In the still of the night. Even when I’m weeping He is my joy in the dark times. Greater joy comes in the morning when the clouds roll away. I grow even stronger after the rain has passed away because my faith was watered and roots hold down my faith.
1. WHO needs Harmony? Everyone! Yes, especially anyone who has has a goal or dream, know what you need to do but just don’t know what is slowing them down or holding them back. Self-help books make up the largest and fastest growing market. People are realizing that they need help and to receive help is ok. We were created to live in a community. Just like it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to help us to continually grow into healthy well rounded harmonious people.
2. WHAT is Harmony?
Harmony- Agreement; accord; harmonious relations, a consistent, orderly or pleasing arrangement of parts; congruity. -Dictionary.com
3. WHAT disturbs Harmony? There are few things that disturb Harmony but 3 areas that hurt our harmony most Procrastination, Negative outlooks and Competing Intensions.
Everyone procrastinates sometimes, but 20 percent of people chronically avoid difficult tasks and deliberately look for distractions—which, unfortunately, are increasingly available. Procrastination in large part reflects our struggle with self-control as well as our inability to accurately predict how we’ll feel tomorrow, or the next day. Procrastinators may say they perform better under pressure, but more often than not that’s their way of justifying putting things off. – Psychology Today The bright side? It’s possible to overcome procrastination with help!
4. How can I have more Harmony in my life?
I am here to help you Pushing through Procrastination & Awaken Your Life On Springs! A life where you thrive instead of just survive. It is my life’s work to help people bring more Harmony to their lives through coaching, teaching, writing and speaking engagements. Every one of us receives and retains information differently, so I have something for just about everyone here.
As I was walking along my path I realized that I started to get lonely. I looked around to see others on their path and thought maybe if I leave my path I won’t feel this emptiness. I crossed over to another path, there were many people on it so I started to mingle. All of them were carrying heavy luggage so I decided to help. I started carrying, one back then it got to heavy so I started to help another person with their bag. The second bag like the first started to get very heavy, so I handed it back to the person and helped a third with their bag. My arms grew weary and I was tired. I stopped by someone I recognized and started to help with their bag as well. Finally, I looked up and realized I was far from my path. I was tired, run down and worse for wear. Suddenly, I saw God walking down the side of this path. I asked God “Why is no one was asking You to carry their bag.” He replied, “They are not ready to let go of their baggage. When they tell me they want me to take it, I will. My yoke is easy is burden is light.” I asked God why this path was so full and mine so empty. He replied, “You wanted to do things my way. They chose the other path. When they are ready they can come to my path also.” I asked, “where are my bags, I remember I had so many.” He said “When you walk my path, I carry the load. As you give each issue to me, I perfect it and the bag turns into a light to your feet and a new enterance sign to My path for others to see. I asked God, “Is it too late for me to come back?” He said, “No but you have to give back everyone else’s bags. Tell them I love them, I am love. Tell them I am here, I know who they are. I created them for a life beyond their wildest dreams.”
If you think you dare not, you don’t;
If you’d like to win but think you can’t;
It’s almost certain, you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost;
Since out in our world we find success begins with a person’s will,
It’s all in your state of mind,
Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster hand;
But sooner or later the person who wins is the one who thinks “I CAN”
This has to be one of my favors and guiding light. It is a well know tale. I heard it as early as five years old.
THE TALE OF TWO WOLVES
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”