How you gonna win when you ain’t right within?
– Lauryn Hill
By the time most I meet me a lot of people, they are asking me to fix something. Like my infamous friend and client Gayl who literally asked to “fix it” when she wanted to lose weight after her son was born. Little did she know how much I was going to dig into when she became my client. Like most people, she hadn’t learned to make her internal life and well-being a big enough priority. One day in a conversation with my father, he was sharing about his friend who is very successful. He has a great job, makes great money, and is great with his kids. This same friend is also unhealthy, has unresolved trauma, and is stuck in a rut mentally. I countered by saying without inner peace there is no such thing as success. They haven’t learn to live in peace and make healing the priority. Money can’t buy self-worth, self-esteem and joy. But it can mask it with a bunch of material things. It is much easier to mask what is going on in the inside when you are distracted and validated by what is going on outside.
Anyone who has been on a trip with someone they didn’t like. Whether it’s a sibling on a long road trip or an annoying person sitting beside you on a long plane ride. It is a pretty simple concept to understand that if you are going to spend time with someone you might want to enjoy that person otherwise it’s gonna be rough. Well, the same is true with you and how you deal with yourself. You are going to spend more time with yourself than anyone else in this lifetime. The sooner you get right with you, the easier it is to deal with life.
You might be asking yourself what does it look like when you are “right within.” If you are unfamiliar you should listen to Doo Wop by Lauryn Hill. For the sake of time I will drop these couple bars for you from her song:
Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again
You know I only say it cause I’m truly genuine
Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem
Baby girl, respect is just a minimum”
Do you treat yourself like a hard rock or a gem? Do you expect everything to be difficult? Do you act like you can handle a beating? Maybe you can, I’m not saying you can’t. Is that want you deserve? Now, let me delineate, I’m not opposing being strong nor am I demeaning a hard workout neither am I debating whether one should box. I am talking about how you treat yourself within. What are your internal conversations like? How do you care for yourself?
How do we treat gems? With the respect and reverence. We take our time when looking at them; we inspect them. If you are anything like me you might have crystals that you clear, charge, and research. In the same way, our insides are worthy of being cleared, charged, and reflected upon to know what is going on within.
The unexamined life is not worth living?
I believe you should examine and get real with who you are this very minute. Take a quick self-check. This can take 5 minutes or 50 minutes, how ever long you can stand. Sit in quiet, without distractions, and check in with yourself. Start by paying attention to your heartbeat. Next, listen to the rhythm of your breathing. Next, move into to examining what’s on your mind. What are you thinking about? Is it worth your time? Engage your imagination: Try to visualize each thought rise up to the sky and float away with the clouds. After you have thought all of the thoughts and have sat with yourself as long as you can stand, give yourself a big hug. Tell yourself this short affirmation:
I am loved
I am seen
I am safe
In every aspect of my career I am required to focus first on what is going on inside of someone else. I am always trying to find out the root of the issue. In fitness I am looking first at how your body works. I’m looking for any structural compensations your body has made as well as your stability and balance. As a life coach, I dig into what someone wants most and what is holding them back. As a Reiki Practitioner, I see where someone’s energy is low or out of balance. This practice of sitting with yourself is the beginning to any kind of change and growth. Take it easier on yourself. You are a precious gem worthy of care.